un: klapbak

[clussy]

(Eddie had debated on whether or not to share this piece of information. But what the natives had said weighed on him heavily, and he felt like if he didn't and something were to happen...

He wasn't so sure he could live with that guilt.)

I asked one of the natives if bad things from our homes could come to this place. They said it was possible.

maybe some of you will think I'm crazy. Or the adults won't believe it. The adults in our town didn't believe anything and they didn't want to pay attention to what was happening. they didn't care about all the missing kids. I don't care if you believe it or not. some stuff exists whether or not people want to believe it does. me and my friends took care of it before and we'll do it again if we have to. we made that promise.

our town had this fucked up evil in it. and im not talking hellfire church-evil stuff either. I'm talking like...fear. real fear. maybe even the thing that made Fear

IT knew what you were afraid of. no, not your 'kind of' fears like thinking spiders are gross. i mean the kind of fears you dont even tell your best bud about. the kind of fears you don't even tell YOURSELF about cause the shame's so bad. IT knew you and IT fed off those fears. i guess it liked how kids tasted best when they died in terror

IT ate them too. im not saying it like sucked out their soul. no. IT would

(Eddie has to stop here. To breathe. To focus. He touches his own arm, closes his eyes, and counts.)

i cant explain how you'll know when you'll see IT
you'll feel
like you have to go towards something real bad, real scary
you'll know you shouldn't but you HAVE to...and maybe you'll be lucky like we were
like i was. and be able to get away when the fear gets bad enough.

IT takes the shape of a clown the most when ITS just existing normally. IT only changes when its hunting. IT can come through pictures or sinks or anything. i dont know what ITs limits even were

sometimes IT called ITself Pennywise the Dancing Clown. IT told me its name was Bob Gray when IT talked to me. And sometimes you could hear that carnival sorta music.Sometimes it'd lure you in with the smell of popcorn. IT sometimes had balloons. A lot of balloons. I don't know. It lived in the sewers and

I want to say we beat IT for good but we didn't. i'm not sure if IT can BE beaten.

I dont know if IT'll ever show up here
but don't trust things to be what they seem. don't.

and maybe realize the monsters you know might come here too. please be careful.

Comments

[clussy]

i dont know if i'd call it a secret. its more like

you get used to keeping something inside of you for so long. but after learning for sure about that, it felt...selfish i guess to not let people know what they could be up against.

I'm
I don't know



wait. do you really believe me??

[justbeingknife]

I gotta admit, if I was back home, I'd have a lot harder time swallowing it. But considering there's at least one robot

[ android ]

in the house and I got sucked into some kinda crazy monster France the other day, I'd say the believability bar's shifted.

Besides, I figured there was some shit you weren't sayin'.

[clussy]

(At least he's honest. Eddie had trouble believing some things too when he first discovered them- androids being one of them.)

You have robots in your house? Are they programs?


Yeah it's kind of a free for all as far as this shit goes huh.

I don't really think to go around telling this stuff to people honestly. who wants to listen to some dumb kid rave about a child-eating clown demon? \

besides. when we were talking, i was having trouble remembering stuff. see, i dont know if its ITS magic or something about Derry, but whenever we leave Derry, we lose a lot of our memories about this summer. so.

(Another complicated issue that Eddie doesn't know how to get into. Mostly because he doesn't fully understand it.)

you can come over.

[justbeingknife]

Nah. That is, since he's a machine, I figure he's got a program -- a defective one.

I'm on my way.

But if you started rememberin' about IT, what's that mean? Is it just yer hometown that brings back those memories? Or is it 'cause IT lives there?

[ aka plz tell him if your memories are coming back because IT's coming back, thx ]

[clussy]

Is he the evil machine?

Okay.
Thanks. I'm sorry.

No. I don't really know why, but when we see each other again -me and my friends who fought it- we start remembering again. Like I said. I dont know if the magic is Derry or IT. But sometimes stuff is still foggy. I can't always remember great. So we write stuff down. I can show you what I mean when you get here.

(It does not occur to Eddie that the magic could be them.)

[justbeingknife]

Evil? Dunno about that, he might just be a tool. Spends most of the time in the garage.

[ Goddammit if he was living with an evil robot it'd just be Fucking. Great. ]

So then maybe Sora was right, and we should all be keepin' diaries. Didn't know you were keepin' a record.

[ Majima moved at a lope through the houses, accustomed by now to moving quickly and quietly. A glance or two at the device every now and then in case a response came in. When he arrived, there was only a brief follow-up: ]

I'm here.

-> action

[clussy]

What kind of tool?

(Eddie isn't so sure. The android he just spoke to told him about how machines were evil. Maybe it wasn't so black and white. Was anything ever?)

We need to. We can't risk forgetting.

(Maybe it was just some people. Eddie doesn't know. He's not at liberty to tell others what to do with their memories, but he knew their memories were valuable.

Eddie comes to the door a few seconds after receiving the message and opens up. He thankfully doesn't look awful, but he is a little pale, and he certainly looks like he hasn't been sleeping well. He gives a small wave instead of saying hello with the device and steps back to let Majima inside.)

[justbeingknife]

You know. A jerk. Only talked to him over the devices, though.

[ Majima stepped inside, regarding Eddie with the observant eye he usually reserved for the staff of the Grand. He knew that slightly hollow look -- he was familiar with it intimately as someone for whom sleep was more of a period of temporary unconsciousness than any sort of real restfulness. ]

You probably already know, but I sleep like garbage. If you ever wanna talk to someone in the middle of the night, chances are I'm up anyway.

[clussy]

Oh THAT kind of tool. I thought because machine he might...I dunno. Transform into a wrench.

(Sounded stupid, maybe, but Eddie's literally met a transformer before so you know. Kid's got an open enough mind when it came to these oddities in the universe. He shuts the door silently behind Majima, glancing out behind him instinctively.

It was...almost weird inviting an adult over in the sense that Eddie never knew where to stand with adults this early on in a more positive relationship. He couldn't figure out if he was The Kid and they were In Charge or if he could comfortably say they were friends or- or what.

Funnily enough, even today, he still worried more about adults than IT. Go figure. His eyes flicker to the man's device. And that makes it..just a little more clear that maybe this man was more of a friend than an authority.)

Thank you. I usually sleep with one of my best friends, or sometimes both, but sometimes

(He doesn't type out a trail-off. Instead he just shrugs absently and nods for Majima to follow him. He'd ask about why Majima slept poorly in a second. That sort of thing always hung in his mind. First, he leads Majima into the master bedroom. There's an actual bed in there, sheets all over, and some assorted odds and ends here and there. Obviously a kid moving himself in.

But at the far back of the wall, where there were no windows or doors, Eddie had begun his wall.)

Trying to remember more details. But it's hard sometimes.

[justbeingknife]

[ Perhaps Eddie would have been reassured by the fact that Majima himself didn't even really have clear-cut mental roles for the both of them to fill. Someone had asked him once if he liked children, and the answer had been that it didn't matter: they take one look at me and start bawlin'. Majima looked like a thug -- the exact kind that any mother would want to keep their charges away from.

So he stayed away.

It was only that when he saw a kid in danger or distress, it was hard to simply leave them alone. Especially when he realized he actually liked them. Eddie was a card, and age difference or no, he could recognize when he had no real prior framework for dealing with whatever IT was.

He stepped over to the bedroom wall and knelt down to read. Most of the names were those he didn't recognize, but as he brushed his fingers over the names at the bottom, he looked up. ]

That thing took all these people, and no one fuckin' did anything about it?

cw: that 1950s racism tho. also this got wordy? whoops

[clussy]

(It helped. Eddie wasn't good at falling into the things people wanted him to fall into. He never had been. Eddie had only ever been able to be exactly himself, and he wasn't even all that good at that. Sonia Kaspbrak certainly would have looked at Majima and gasped, grabbed Eddie, and strolled him to the other side of the street.

Sure, just because he looked like a thug, but Sonia was blatantly racist and from when Eddie came from, it was 1958 just shortly after a time where America took Japanese citizens and shoved them in their own version of camps. She hated the fact that Eddie even had a black friend (and a girl friend, and Richie Tozier). Lord knows what she'd do if she knew he was talking to a Japanese man. Let alone one that looked like Majima.

It had crossed his mind before, truthfully, but Eddie was young enough that he trusted his gut a lot more than he trusted everything adults had told him. He'd come to the brilliant revelation lately that adults were full of bullshit half the time anyway, and he was doing his best to make his own opinions.

And his opinion of Majima?

Well, Majima was invited to his room to be alone with Eddie.

That said just about everything.

His body was slumped, and the tension in his shoulders was more from the conversation than Majima being near. He wasn't afraid of this man.

Eddie doesn't stay away. He walks over and squats down next to Majima, curled up tight over his own knees, appearing much smaller than he already did on a regular basis. He rested his elbow against a knee and put his chin into his palm, watching Majima with large eyes.)

we did.
georgie was bill's real brother. IT ripped his arm clear off and georgie bled out. he was only six and the town just...figured it was some psycho. and people just
seemed to stop carng? bills parents fucking ignored him practically
and i know it was probably hard for them but jesus christ

i never really saw the cops trying.

we had a curfew but that was it. didn't stop kids from disappearing though. from dying. those are all kids. and those (Eddie points to the Black Spot and the Ironworks.) were incidents from before. bad incidents.

[justbeingknife]

[ Majima looked up from his device.

There was some strange, dark expression on his face – that of someone searching for the words that would describe how fundamentally wrong this story had struck him. In lieu of this, he put out a hand to touch Eddie’s shoulder.

The gesture wasn’t a practiced one; men in his line of work weren’t encouraged to touch strangers unless it was in anger. Better to bloody your fists teaching someone respect than try to comfort anyone, even a child.

But it was there. ]

Dunno what it’s like in the States, but there’s all kindsa vile shit goin’ down when you’re an adult. You get used to hearing about it, too, and if ya pay enough attention, you get to thinkin’ that everything’s tainted. Reporters, cops, politicians… these days, you can even buy off the yakuza.

But if anything like this had happened in Kamurocho, the town would've been up in arms. Headlines screaming for action, parents callin’ committees. Goes without sayin’ that the streets would’ve been swarming with cops.

What you’re describing, though… I can’t belive you fuckin’ made it outta there alive. I can't believe your Bill didn't lose his goddamn mind.

[clussy]

(It was funny for Eddie. Any time he told adults not from Derry, adults from these other worlds, they just....

Seemed to actually react. Not to say that the adults in Derry hadn't. Oh yeah, sure, people were sad. His momma hadn't let him out of the house for weeks. It was straight to school and back home. No ands, ifs, or buts. But none of the adults looked like Majima was looking. Or how any of the other adults he had talked to about this had looked.

Like an adult who wanted to do something about it. Eddie was quieted with awe, feeling that shift of trust press a little deeper. He doesn't freeze up under that hand or push it away. He stares at Majima, his expression open and raw.

Eddie was just a kid, for Christ's sake.

Dealing with this just on their own was hell. Dealing with adults had always been worse. Hope splintered through him because maybe this place, like the station, had okay adults too.)

ive only ever been in derry and in the 50s, your town was your world i guess. i went to bangor sometimes to visit my relatives but the news in derry never seemed to reach that far. and then my mom wouldnt think to mention it.

(Or more specifically, Eddie has begun to wonder about, she had forgotten. Like he had.)

i think in derry it wasnt just everything being tainted. i think the town itself was
i dont know
i think there was something really WRONG.

no one ever screamed for action in derry. people were sad sure. but it never- they never look like you're looking right now.

(He doesn't know how he made it out alive either, and so he can only shrug uselessly. He truthfully wasn't even sane, not with how often he heard his mom's voice in his head, and sometimes even the leper, but those are things he can't just talk about.

As for Bill? He frowns and looks up at Bill's name.)

i think. he tries really hard to not think about it. it's not fair, maybe, but what else can you do?
i think he feels responsible for it
and i think hes afraid
but hes the bravest guy i know and he wants to keep what he has left safe- and thats all of us. his friends. and i think he puts all of that love and anger about georgie into loving and being angry for us instead. bills the bravest person in the universe i know because of that, you know?

[justbeingknife]

No, I think you're right.

Whatever the world's supposed to be like, it ain't that. I'm glad ya had each other. And he had you.

[ Majima settled back on the floor, sitting crosslegged with his elbows braced loosely against his knees. It was an unconscious action, folding himself a little smaller in the way that Eddie himself now seemed smaller. ]

Listen, about what happens if IT ever comes back -- you said the adults in Derry ain't believe you, right? For whatever reason, when it came to actually tryin' to deal with those kids that died, they got leadfooted.

So is there anything that we would be able to do? Like that ritual ya wrote about on that wall. What's that about?

[ Majima could be as stubborn as anyone, sure. But it was Eddie and his friends who had beat IT back before; it was their town that the monster had terrorized. Their peers it had taken.

Thus it was also their advice that needed to be followed in any talk of countermeasures. His job here was to listen. ]

[clussy]

i'm not special like bill.

(Eddie types this very slowly, and for a second, wonders if he should even bother showing it but he does. He was not the smartest of the Losers, the fastest, strongest, bravest. What he was was the tiniest, the quickest to tears, the one who got anxious, and the one who heard his momma's voice in his head because he was fucked up ten ways to next Sunday.

Sometimes he wonders if there was a reason he was the Loser to die in the sewers that second time. Eddie winds up staring at his own name, and it takes him a second to realize that Majima has typed up a new message.

Eddie turns his head away and quickly reads.

Slowly, he shifts to sit facing Majima, legs crossed.)

its weird and crazy to explain but it has to do with the seven of us working together to basically make our beliefs real. i think
maybe
it has to be seven people
i dont know if they have to all be apart of it or what??
but seven feels really important

and that belief stuff isnt some dumb cheesy 'believe in the power of friendship!' it's like. we actually believed silver would hurt IT so silver hurt IT. but not because silver hurts IT, its because we BELIEVED it would. does that makes sense?

(Majima honestly....had his priorities straight.

Eddie knew it was clumsy and that it must be frustrating listening to a kid stumble through an odd situation, but he appreciates Majima's patience with him. He can recognize what it is just by glancing up at Majima every few words just to make sure he hadn't started to irritate or bore the man- but nope. Majima was just listening.)

[justbeingknife]

[ Majima considered this new information for a moment or two. ]

Nah, it does make some kinda crazy sense. If it feeds on fear, then if yer not afraid, you're not givin' it anything to work with.

[ He thought back to when he was younger, when he believed all kinds of whackadoodle things because to a kid, the lines of reality were not so solid, not so absolute. If dinosaurs could be real, then why not dragons? Maybe if you threw your old belongings away, they really would come to resent you.

And there were charms, too. Rituals, things that adults knew didn't do a damn thing, but kids believed fervently could ward off danger and the dark. ]

And I always felt like I was invincible when I was with my brother. Maybe that's part of it, too. Like if it's all about belief, then you're stronger if you're with someone ya really love.

Anyway. That means normal shit like shotguns wouldn't be any good against it, right? Not if ya don't believe it'd work.

[ He shook his head. ]

Dunno how well I'd do against somethin' like that. I haven't felt afraid since before I got here.

[ Which was more of an admission than it might seem. Majima had never considered himself a coward, but he'd respected that sense of danger, realized that it had protected him on more than one occasion. But now it was as though the feeling had been jarred loose, somehow. Deadened. Maybe some other emotions as well, he'd never actually taken inventory. ]

[clussy]

(Sometimes Eddie wondered if this was why he died when they came back to fight IT as adults. If their belief hadn't been as strong. Not all of the Losers had made it out that second round. Eddie nods at Majima, because it sounded as though he understood it.

It fell into the logic of the child who covered their heads with a blanket at night. Or depending on a night light to scare off the monsters. Stupid little traditions that kept the fear at bay. That kept IT at bay.

Something about what Majima says makes his chest feel warm and tight, and Eddie begins to smile. It was the first time, he thinks, that someone really understood the power in the Losers club.)

i think love has a LOT to do with it, yeah. i'd do anything for my friends. when im with my friends, i forget how weak i am or how sick i'm supposed to be. With them, I can literally be a totally different, better person.

It's incredible.

Yeah I dont think so.

(Eddie wonders idly if it was harder for adults to feel afraid if only because they felt like they were no longer allowed.)

IT scared me with two things. one thing was how im afraid of getting sick. like real afraid. the other thing

it was less of a fear and more of something i really hate about myself and something i was really afraid of other people knowing, and stuff i was just afraid of being a truth. it sounds really weird when i say it like that, but what I'm getting at is that IT works against you in really complicated ways. It isnt just ordinary fear. IT knows you better than your best friend probably does.

and thats the worst part I guess.

[justbeingknife]

[ Majima smiled warmly at Eddie -- at the honesty with which he spoke about the people dearest to him. It softened his expression, chased away some of the shadows of fatigue and suffering. But there was sadness right there alongside. ]

Yeah. I know what ya mean.

[ So you're really gonna spend your life waiting for a brother who can't possibly come back to you?

His handler had thought it baffling, that devotion -- excessive, even for sworn brothers. But for all Majima knew, Sagawa and Shimano had taken the oath for political reasons. Omi and Tojo, east and west. Another arrangement to keep the watchful peace.

As he read the last of Eddie's message, he found himself recalling that year in the darkness -- no idea if Taiga was dead or alive. Forgetting what fear felt like, forgetting that there was anything besides the next coming of the firelight. Was despair a kind of fear? ]

What do you believe in now?

[ He asked. It was what seemed to matter the most right now. ]

Your friends from back home, they can't all be with ya right now. So what can you believe in?

[clussy]

(Just about anyone could be trusted if they understood something so fundamental to being a good person. If you didn't care about other people, what was the point in living at all? Eddie would give up everything in the world for his friends. Everything.

And this guy really seemed to get that.

Eddie didn't really need to hear what he was thinking to know that look on his face. But he did feel more secure with this man, more steady. Majima was quickly proving himself to Eddie, and Eddie was starting to wonder if rough looking people weren't better off morally than the polished looking people.

That left him this question though. What did he believe in?)

They're not all here, no. There's seven of us and it's just the three of us for now.

I believe in the ones that are here. And I believe in the friends I've made. I think some of them are really, really special friends already.

I dont really think I want normal friends. I feel like every time I make a real friend, I can feel it fill me up so bad I sometimes wanna cry and maybe sometimes even do. Even if my original friends aren't here, I still believe in what we have. What i feel for people.

i mean it when i say im a lover not a fighter. I guess that's always where I wind up when I'm most afraid and when I feel the strongest

(Eddie types this all carefully, and finally shows it to Majima, his eyes fierce. At least he had his love, he thinks.)

What about you? what do you believe in?

[justbeingknife]

[ Majima's gaze turned faraway, like he was remembering something that had happened a lifetime ago. Maybe two. What did he believe in? In the old days, he would have had plenty of answers -- his Family, maybe. Himself. The idea that even those who had been rejected and cast aside by society could find meaning and belonging in the oaths they'd taken. ]

That's a tough question. Feel like that list used to be a lot longer.

[ He turned to lean up against a blank section of the wall, tilting his head upwards with a soundless sigh. Right now more than anything, his fingers itched for a cigarette. ]

The past couple years, they feel kinda like a fever dream. Like everyone's gone nuts. I think it's 'cause of all the cash pouring into Japan -- no one knows where it came from or when it's gonna end, but they've forgotten it was ever different. And it's changed everybody.

Used to think that that the world made sense. Like there were rules. But now...

[ He seemed to come to some decision. When Majima looked back up at Eddie, his gaze was clear. ]

Duty. Honor. The people I care about.

[ Even now, with all that had happened, there were the things he wouldn't compromise on. Even if no one else felt the same. ]

[clussy]

(There's no rush to an answer. Eddie knows some things aren't so easily answered, after all. Not with how complicated life could be. And Eddie having begun to talk to adults more and more lately had made him realize that life only got more complex as you aged. Adults were more prone to lying and lying made everything tangled up and confusing.

He watches Majima, not looking away even as Majima considers the wall in front of him. Maybe everyone should had their own kinds of walls. It wouldn't be the worst idea, would it?)

What changed? was it just the money?

(Maybe it could have been. What did Eddie know? He didn't pay taxes or worry about paying bills. But Majima's ultimate decision? Eddie smiles.)

I think those are some really good things to care about. I think I care a lot about honesty too. Honesty is the most important thing. I hate when people lie.

you'd like my friend bill. he's got a lot of honor, and a huge sense of duty to his friends. I really admire that about some guys. i do too, but like, i think some people have it in this deeper way, you know?

[justbeingknife]

[ Majima shook his head: no. ]

I never cared about that. But as for what changed... hell, everything.

[ He thought it over for a few moments, trying to figure out how to explain when it seemed like even three years wouldn't be enough time to truly convey what it had been like. ]

There was a real estate deal -- city redevelopment, some shit like that. Doesn't matter. Point is, somehow the most powerful groups in and out of Tokyo ended up knifing each other in the back to snap up one piece of land. Ten million for a vacant lot the size of a one bedroom apartment.

Seeing that complete shitshow, meeting all those crazy bastards... seeing decent people get their lives ruined over a spit of dirt. Yeah, I guess you could say that helped change my mind.

[ His smile was tinged with bitterness, but this faded when he read Eddie's next message. ]

So I should give it to ya straight, huh?

You're right. One of these days, I gotta meet your bro. Bound to run into each other sometime.

[clussy]

(Eddie nods slightly. No, he supposed it was never that simple with anything, was it? Just like how for him, it wasn't so simple that a monster had terrorized him and his friends. That wasn't the only thing that made Derry a shitty place.

Nothing was simple. Nothing.)

I get it. you get these situations where it seems like it's one thing but you realize the one thing hits against all these other things. like dominoes.

for what its worth, im glad your here. It kind of sucks to not have all the people you care about here, but it also can be a fresh kind of start for you, right?

(Everyone had the chance to change, and that was one thing that Eddie clung to. He wanted to change. He wanted to avoid his futures as badly as he wanted his friends to avoid their futures. They needed to reclaim that.

Maybe a lot of being here in this world was about reclaiming themselves.

Eddie nods instantly.)

yeah. especially cause you're a grown up. Ive had grownups lie to me a lot about really serious stuff and it's fucked my head up a lot. i dont want to be lied to anymore.

does anyone really want that? and i know im a kid and that makes adults think i shouldnt know about certain shit, but trust me, i know about a lot of things and you're not gonna upset me or "corrupt" me or whatever adults worry about when being honest with kids.

you will. he lives in this house. he's probably out busy doing stuff but he's around.

[justbeingknife]

[ Majima's response to Eddie's first message was a kind of conflict that could not have been more visible in his expression. Did he even deserve the chance to start over? Was that what he wanted?

After a moment's thought, he replied: ]

I don't know if that's what I want.

[ Then, almost as an afterthought: ]

When I have to be quiet, I can't be myself.

[ How was that for honesty? ]

When you're talkin' about real serious stuff, you mean like bein' sick? Why'd they lie to ya about that?

[clussy]

(Maybe everyone deserved a chance to start over. Of course, ironically, Eddie wasn't so generous with that belief with himself.)

I guess youll have time to decide then what you want. Not the worst thing?

(Eddie smiles a tiny bit at that.)

im the same way. i usually talk a mil a minute believe it or not. my best friend, richie, has it way worse though. he's always crackign jokes and things. i think its been hard for him here.

(That was perfect, really.)

yeah. my mom used to tell me i had all this stuff wrong with me so i was taking all kinds of medicine

i think she was afraid of being alone. she wanted me all to herself and she always tried to make me feel like i was a bad boy for leaving her. like i was cruel or something. then shed always make me think i was going to die from everything or get really hurt. im trying really hard not to be that way anymore but i fall back on it a lot and start thinking im sick with stuff im not really sick with

sometimes i hear her nagging at me and that makes it worse too.