UN: Horse

[charliehorse]

[Charlie's not been here long, but he's already learnt that a lot of people in this town don't have a lick of common sense. His life would be so much easier if he could just yell at crowds until gossip did most of the work for him, but he's got to make do with typing.]

Hello I am Charlie. I am a horse but my neck and head are shaped like half a human. I am new.

This is IMPORTANT

I have a human head. My eyes are in the front of my skull.

I cannot see most of my body.

If you sneak up and touch me where I cannot see you you will scare me. I might kick you.

I am very strong. I can break your little bones and kill you with one kick.

I DO NOT WANT TO KILL YOU. Do not be rude and touch me.

I am a person, come in front of me and say hello.

[That's the most he's ever written in one single session before. He's exhausted]

Comments

UN: Pilot00

[lilithsoul]

I remember you. Thank you for the information.

[It was logical, especially since she'd never actually spent time among horses. So, while she understood the principle that a horse didn't really see its haunches, and that said haunches could probably obliterate her, it wasn't the sort of thing she would usually think about.

You know, if she ever thought about patting a horse's haunches, which was admittedly very unlikely, ever.]

[charliehorse]

[He squints at her user name, and with all the tact under his command he types]

Who are you?

[lilithsoul]

[And with all of the same utter lack of tact, she responded, completely missing the fact that he couldn't possibly recognize her through user name alone.]

Rei.

[darksmokerising]

Hello Charlie. My name is Merlan, would you like me to say hello to you in person? I'd like to meet you.

[charliehorse]

Hello Merlan.

Yes, come and say hello to me in person. Are you a human? What colour is your hair? You all look the same to me because you're small.

Bring me an apple too. Or barley.

We can be friends if you feed me

[He's going to see how far he can push his luck]

[darksmokerising]

[Merlan would have laughed if she was allowed to but she suppresses her amusement to a grin.]

I have brown hair and brownish green eyes. I'm definitely pretty small and I will definitely find you one of those two.

I would very much like to be your friend (with food benefits).

[saltysanta]

Oh my god. Why is this even a thing? Why do people actually need to be told this? Even a normal horse can't see directly behind itself, and you're half-blinded.

[Noël may or may not be burying his face in his hands from wherever he's typing; sometimes people can be so stupid it hurts. This should be common sense, even if you've never spent time with horses--someone, something that big and strong could crush most people without even trying. Scaring or offending him is just reckless idiocy. Even he doesn't come up behind Rudolph unless he's in his human form.....]

[charliehorse]

[Sympathy! Actual sympathy! Charlie latches on immediately]

I am and it is horrible. I hate not being able to see properly.

Humans have big brains but they are also stupid. They do not likebeing told this.

Who are you?

[saltysanta]

Just because they don't like being told it doesn't mean it isn't true.

I'm Noel Christenbell, we met by the fire out in the town square.

UN: katsudonfan

[porkbelly]

Sorry if this is rude, but... how are you typing?

[charliehorse]

I told you, my neck is half a human. I have human arms
just under my head as well as my four legs.

I also have two belly buttons. My body is stupid.

Who are you?

[porkbelly]

Oh. So you're a centaur. I thought from your description only your neck and head were human. The concept of a torso being described as a neck didn't click with me. Sorry.

My name's Yuuri Katsuki.

un: king of fishing

[cxivth]

( he's squinting at this. squinting hard before finally deciding to respond... )

is this one of those horse ebook things?

[charliehorse]

[He takes that just about as wrongly as he could]

I am NOT a thing!

Also you spelt book wrong. B O O K.

Even I know how to spell book and I only learnt to read two years ago.

Are you the king of fishing because you have a fish brain?

[cxivth]

oh OH you're a real... guy. my bad i thought this was—
hey, what's THAT supposed to mean?

you know, this is pretty rich coming from a guy named "charlie" saying he's part "horse."
really living up to your name by being a pain, huh?

un: touched

[waystation]

_{[When there are so few animals around, a large, sturdy-looking horse stands out, especially one whose top half is human. Charlie. Charlie the horse. Charley horse. Someone has a sense of humor.]}

You must be the one hanging out around house eleven, right?

_{[How many centaur people could there be in one village.]}

[charliehorse]

Yes that is me.

How do you know that? Have you come into house 11 too or are you spying?

What is your name?

[This username business is doing Charlie in. He is not used to the concept at all]

[waystation]

I'm not a spy. I'm Jake. I'm using the room by the porch.

_{[The username is his own little play on words, less haha funny and more noticeable to someone from Mid-World were they to see it. Hopefully.]}

I won't sneak up behind you. Do you normally live in a house?

_{[Is it rude to assume he'd prefer a stable or... a field or something?... on account of his size?]}

un: willthewise

[deadboywalking]

when you were a horse, could you not see directly in front of you? i read that once.

[charliehorse]

The only advantage of predator eyes is being able to see in depth vision in front of me. It does not make up for the blindness, but it works well with having hands.

Will the wise, are you a magician or a scholar?

un: dumpsterhole

[beeped]

have you ever thought about how funny it'd be if you had a horse head and a man body

Re: un: dumpsterhole

[charliehorse]

It wouldn't be funny because a human neck can't hold a horse skull. Human skeletons are frail and delicate and not as well built as horse bodies.

Who are you?

Sent from my iPhone

un: scastellanos

[agonybolt]

What the fuck?

[charliehorse]

????

I was very clear. Do you have trouble reading? I do not think I can write more simply.

Who are you?

un: johnpsmith

[ex_criticality719]

[ Sounds like his new friend, Mr. Shouts-a-lot! ]

Oh, so you are a horse! I thought so, but it was pretty high stress situation for me to ask. My place only has Thomases. They're a bit rowdy but, I think anyone would like them. Horses seem nicer. And less feathery.

[ Is he just babbling, or compliment?? Who knows. ]