un: nishizono

[nishizono]

to everyone who's been worried about burglars and weird strangers at your doorstep: it's me. PLEASE let me in, because i've been given a job, and that job is to make sure your house or hole in the dirt is soundproofed.

i'm not doing it out of civic duty, the locals still have most of my things and i'm only getting all of them back if i play nice. so i'm playing nice. help me help you make your residence death-free and i get my things back. we all win.

yours truly, a neighborhood quiet maintenance guy.

ps. does anyone have crabsticks?

[ here is the accompanying log for those who'd prefer to interact with him directly! for any questions, chat me on discord (lucxy#3832) or superdick. ]

Comments

super secret privATE;

[oorah]

i'm helping.

super secret privATE;

[nishizono]

with crabsticks or with soundproofing?
actual question.

super secret privATE;

[oorah]

both?
if you tell me what the fuck a crabstick is

super encrypto private

[gaits]

Count me in too.
With the soundproofing, I mean
The crabstick part might be a bit of a challenge but I guess if you're alright with them tasting a little more fish and less crab we could probably make something work

super encrypto private

[nishizono]

i thought hotdog was the one who could cook
you're kidding me with this

you can make crabsticks? because i would kiss you on the mouth, and i don't do that ever

[ he is REALLY EXCITED DON'T DO THIS TO HIM ]

un: purrusu

[beguiledcard]

[ The most useful reply ever in 3, 2... ]

Great... Now I want crabsticks.

their bonding moment: crabs

[nishizono]

see, you get me.
i really really want crabsticks right now it's almost painful.

un: kyouken

[justbeingknife]

Forget crabsticks, now I want actual crab.

Although there's eels in the river. Caught one once. Bet they'd taste great grilled.

[nishizono]

how in the fuck did you catch one without dying
this is important

un: johnpsmith

[ex_criticality719]

[ Oh man, look who makes a second appearance. But he learnt his lesson and staying far away from asking wtf crabsticks are. ]

Ah, you got a lucky job Tetora
I think it'd be fun, but I guess I just find the smell of oil pleasant
And what things do they have that they're making you work so hard to gain their trust?
Not dangerous weapons, right?

oh my god vash

[nishizono]

[ it's this guy again, what the flying fuck is he— ]

uh, dude
keep your fetishes to yourself maybe?
no one needs to know about your lube thing

i was gonna ask you to help out but now i'm not sure you won't be weird about it

i own guns

un: dumpsterhole

[beeped]

idk dude my mom always said not to let strangers into my house. they might eat my poptarts and sleep in my bed

[nishizono]

this isn't goldilocks and the three bears, dude
hide your poptarts if you gotta

[beyourzoomer]

that should be the official advertisement for quiet maintenance.

"help me help you make your residence death-free and i get my things back. we all win."

[nishizono]

see, i should patent that
maybe i'll go down the mayor's office and file that, get some money out of it

un: unseen

[magnes]

I live under a porch
dont touch it

[ It's vital she is able to creepily watch people through porch lattice ok ]

[nishizono]

[ okay, what??? ...what? ]

why would you wanna live under a porch?

un: holla

[shotfired]

I can get you some crabsticks

[nishizono]

[ bless this person for saving this whole trash fire of a post ]

fucking thank god
what do i owe you?

un: nymeria

[list_maker]

What are crabsticks? And why do you want them? Are they good for soundproofing?

[nishizono]

[ nooooooo ]

okay, quick question
do you have crabs in your world?
i need to know first so i can answer accordingly

[flyguy]

Is this the Reims version of reality TV? Sounds like an episode of Cops waiting to happen. Don't go in the deck at house one. Still moving my stuff out. Your face might be lasered off if you open the door. To death. Working on fixing that.

[nishizono]

don't know about reality tv, but why the fuck do you have death lasers?
and in a community this small?
you could hit the children.

[lilithsoul]

You are assisting in soundproofing?

[Because all of that awkwardness? nope, right over her head. Soundproofing help, though, she wasn't saying no to.]

[nishizono]

[ finally, someone with some sense. ]

i am, yeah. surprisingly most people don't enjoy strangers in their home.
you wanna tag along...?