un: nishizono

[nishizono]

to everyone who's been worried about burglars and weird strangers at your doorstep: it's me. PLEASE let me in, because i've been given a job, and that job is to make sure your house or hole in the dirt is soundproofed.

i'm not doing it out of civic duty, the locals still have most of my things and i'm only getting all of them back if i play nice. so i'm playing nice. help me help you make your residence death-free and i get my things back. we all win.

yours truly, a neighborhood quiet maintenance guy.

ps. does anyone have crabsticks?

[ here is the accompanying log for those who'd prefer to interact with him directly! for any questions, chat me on discord (lucxy#3832) or superdick. ]

Comments

super secret privATE;

[oorah]

i'm helping.

super secret privATE;

[nishizono]

with crabsticks or with soundproofing?
actual question.

super secret privATE;

[oorah]

both?
if you tell me what the fuck a crabstick is

super encrypto private

[gaits]

Count me in too.
With the soundproofing, I mean
The crabstick part might be a bit of a challenge but I guess if you're alright with them tasting a little more fish and less crab we could probably make something work

super secret privATE;

[nishizono]

[ wait nooooo ]

wait, okay, first off
don't disrespect the crabstick
second, how have you not had a crabstick before?

super encrypto private

[nishizono]

i thought hotdog was the one who could cook
you're kidding me with this

you can make crabsticks? because i would kiss you on the mouth, and i don't do that ever

[ he is REALLY EXCITED DON'T DO THIS TO HIM ]

un: purrusu

[beguiledcard]

[ The most useful reply ever in 3, 2... ]

Great... Now I want crabsticks.

super secret privATE;

[oorah]

is it food?

their bonding moment: crabs

[nishizono]

see, you get me.
i really really want crabsticks right now it's almost painful.

super secret privATE;

[nishizono]

it's not a drug euphemism
so yes, it's food

you get dried imitation bits of it in instant noodles

[gaits]

He just likes to show off.
But I make better pasta
Don't tell him I said that

Okay hold on
I never said I can make crabsticks but if these are the crabsticks I'm thinking about
Then yeah I'm down to try making it
So save that kiss for someone who really deserves it.

[nishizono]

i'm totally telling him you said that
have you met me
don't say no, we both know that's a lie

know where we can find a crab in this soundless hell of a nightmare, though?

[ totally skipping that kiss thing oops ]

i feel like that's a hilarious statement, with or without context

[beguiledcard]

That bad, huh?

I can kind of get it. Nothing else tastes as good as normal when I'm craving that one thing.

I'll see what I can do to help.

[gaits]

I can't believe you'd do this to me
I thought we had something here, Tetora

No idea
Crabs are kind of noisy in general, I wouldn't be surprised if they're extinct like almost all the other animals here
I've been meaning to go to that crazy soundeater nest island so maybe there might be some there.

[ good they can skip it together. ]

super secret privATE;

[oorah]

oh that fake crab shit?
i'll work on it.

it's the euphemistic nature, like is it or is it not...???

[nishizono]

i don't get to eat good food often
hard to when you're on the run most of the time
but damn, a good crabstick is like



it's really good

are we near an ocean?

super secret privATE;

[nishizono]

TAKE THAT BACK
DON'T
TALK
SHIT
ABOUT
CRABSTICKS

super secret privATE;

[oorah]

i'm not okay
i just didn't know they had a name

[nishizono]

i am a scorpion
i sting things
don't be surprised by this betrayal, you walked yourself into it

[ guess what other things he's skipping. THIS. ]

you're not going there.
not alone anyway.
i'm going with you, you're gonna die.
you have noodle limbs.

super secret privATE;

[nishizono]

of course they have a name
what do you think they put on the ingredients section?
"fake crab meat that tastes nothing like crab meat"? that's too many words

un: kyouken

[justbeingknife]

Forget crabsticks, now I want actual crab.

Although there's eels in the river. Caught one once. Bet they'd taste great grilled.

[gaits]

Yeah I should've expected this when I found you raiding our kitchen of all our knives
My mistake

Your concern is very much appreciated and heartwarming
But have you looked at yourself lately

[nishizono]

how in the fuck did you catch one without dying
this is important

super secret privATE;

[oorah]

in AMERICA they just call it imitation crab
or fucking california rolls

[ like god INTENDED ]

[nishizono]

listen
mother
you should've expected this at least once at some point

and okay, fair
but can you fight with your noodle limbs
because i can